| | Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) |    |
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Auryuu Spire
Member of Squad 3
Number of posts: 480
Age: 22
Where the hell am i? : The depths of my mind, searching for curiositys.
job/ intrests: Anime, school, drumming, other stuff.
quote: Chilling like a villain.
Registration date: 2011-08-07
 |  Subject: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami)  Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:16 am | |
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Last edited by DarkMaster on Mon Jan 30, 2012 12:54 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Bishamon Saitou
Vice Captain of Squad 7
Number of posts: 482
Age: 17
Where the hell am i? : Anywhere and everywhere
job/ intrests: stuff, and other stuff...
quote: Ah swords...natures knives.
Registration date: 2011-06-03
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Wed Aug 10, 2011 1:00 pm | |
| Catching Wind: 4/10
I have a few things to point out, you have quite a lot of spelling mistakes in it, also your punctuation needs work. After you've written a post, read it again a couple of times to make sure you haven't got too many mistakes in it. Also when you’re fighting, and using complex movements, as you are, try and explain them in a bit more detail, as they seem vague, and hard to understand exactly what you're doing, so please try and describe your moves the best you can. Also, when starting a thread, you need to try and be more descriptive, so the person entering the thread knows the time of day, the setting, and all that... but apart from your opening, I don't really have an issue with your post lengths. So take all that into mind, and try to put it into practise please 
Strong Sensations: 5/10
This one’s slightly better, but still, spelling and punctuation need work, and your opener is still pretty weak, so please try and work on those things. Oh and side note, it is okay to get hit in a fight, even if your speed is greater, or the same, it doesn't mean you can dodge every attack, you don't get any weaker from losing a fight.
Overall Exp: 9/20 _________________ | Spoiler: | | |
Rank 4
Spirit power: 20
Speed: 25
Technique: 20
Fighting skill: 25
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Auryuu Spire
Member of Squad 3
Number of posts: 480
Age: 22
Where the hell am i? : The depths of my mind, searching for curiositys.
job/ intrests: Anime, school, drumming, other stuff.
quote: Chilling like a villain.
Registration date: 2011-08-07
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Wed Aug 10, 2011 1:02 pm | |
| Thanks Bish  |
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Auryuu Spire
Member of Squad 3
Number of posts: 480
Age: 22
Where the hell am i? : The depths of my mind, searching for curiositys.
job/ intrests: Anime, school, drumming, other stuff.
quote: Chilling like a villain.
Registration date: 2011-08-07
| | Subject: Auryuu Spire Rank up Wed Aug 17, 2011 10:19 pm | |
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DarkMaster
Rogue Shinigami (Admin)
Number of posts: 570
Age: 27
Where the hell am i? : In a daze.
job/ intrests: That's Officer DarkMaster to you, buddy.
quote: I'm afraid of the dark.
Registration date: 2010-07-18
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:24 pm | |
| 1ST THREAD - 3/10
2ND THREAD - 3/10
TOTAL EXP - 6/20 _________________  | Spoiler: | | | Rank: 4
Spirit power: 20 (Shikai = 30)
Speed: 35 (Shikai = 45)
Technique: 10 (Shikai = 20)
Fighting skill: 25 (Shikai = 35)
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Arawn
Member of Squad 12 (Admin)
Number of posts: 2151
Age: 30
Where the hell am i? : Here, but there
job/ intrests: Anything, but not everything
quote: You were close, but I was right
Registration date: 2010-06-23
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Fri Aug 26, 2011 12:19 am | |
| Please remember you keep the same thread, there's no need to make a new one. Just add a reply with your new threads to be seen. _________________ The Mad King Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today! | Spoiler: | | |
Rank: 5
Fighting: 21
Speed: 26 (+5 Bonus)
Spiritual Power: 27 (+5 Defense/Attack bonus)
Technique: 26
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Auryuu Spire
Member of Squad 3
Number of posts: 480
Age: 22
Where the hell am i? : The depths of my mind, searching for curiositys.
job/ intrests: Anime, school, drumming, other stuff.
quote: Chilling like a villain.
Registration date: 2011-08-07
| | Subject: Auryuu's rank up Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:39 pm | |
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Arawn
Member of Squad 12 (Admin)
Number of posts: 2151
Age: 30
Where the hell am i? : Here, but there
job/ intrests: Anything, but not everything
quote: You were close, but I was right
Registration date: 2010-06-23
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Mon Aug 29, 2011 1:30 am | |
| Well see here or We'll see here? (I'm guessing it's a pun about the well): 2/10
Very short posts, but their numbers almost makes up for it. Almost. Punctuation and spelling, meh. While I'd like to give you points for a RPWO with a hollow it's a fight that is also part of the reason for a low score. Ten's character is a kind hollow that doesn't want to be evil and hurt people unless she has to. Strange as it is; I get it. But a shinigami that doesn't want to hurt hollows? That's like a fire fighter refusing to put out a blaze because it's "too pretty". While it could be possible, it would be more believable if you character had a reason for thinking this way. Just seems he woke up and decided he liked hollows and they should die because they have to kill to survive. Those points aside why would a shinigami, in your case a student, have a house in the human world? Maybe an abandoned house that has a well.
The Scared Ghost: 1/10
You went a little comma crazy with this one. I think a few sentences had 3-4 commas. The thoughts were abit disorganized, but after rereading the point gets across. Using italic tags seems to be accepted by most as the character's thoughts. You used it once, then used (thought) the next time. Okay now for the meat and potatoes. This thread was no doubt a way for you to unveil your new zanpukto; fine. But the manner was just so flat. He wakes up and there's a sword waiting for him. Why would anyone give away a zanpukto? That's a bit of mystery sure, but you don't give anything for reader to go on. Did the ghost give it to him? And why would a ghost be with the weapon? Finding a weapon like a baby abandoned at a doorstep seems lacking. Okay I will admit Denno's character did get a floating friend, but that was at rank 3. I'm not sure who approved it, but I will suggest denial of such a thing until you've reached similar rank.
_________________ The Mad KingBe the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today! | Spoiler: | | |
Rank: 5
Fighting: 21
Speed: 26 (+5 Bonus)
Spiritual Power: 27 (+5 Defense/Attack bonus)
Technique: 26
Full profile |
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Auryuu Spire
Member of Squad 3
Number of posts: 480
Age: 22
Where the hell am i? : The depths of my mind, searching for curiositys.
job/ intrests: Anime, school, drumming, other stuff.
quote: Chilling like a villain.
Registration date: 2011-08-07
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:14 am | |
| T.T thanks Arawn , but your forgot to change my above exp ^ to 18. |
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Auryuu Spire
Member of Squad 3
Number of posts: 480
Age: 22
Where the hell am i? : The depths of my mind, searching for curiositys.
job/ intrests: Anime, school, drumming, other stuff.
quote: Chilling like a villain.
Registration date: 2011-08-07
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Thu Sep 01, 2011 3:55 am | |
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Last edited by Auryuu Spire on Sat Sep 03, 2011 11:58 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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DarkMaster
Rogue Shinigami (Admin)
Number of posts: 570
Age: 27
Where the hell am i? : In a daze.
job/ intrests: That's Officer DarkMaster to you, buddy.
quote: I'm afraid of the dark.
Registration date: 2010-07-18
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Thu Sep 01, 2011 4:24 am | |
| Thread Rank - 2/10
Rank up approved. *Stamps forehead*
Rank 1 Achieved _________________ | Spoiler: | | | Rank: 4
Spirit power: 20 (Shikai = 30)
Speed: 35 (Shikai = 45)
Technique: 10 (Shikai = 20)
Fighting skill: 25 (Shikai = 35)
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Auryuu Spire
Member of Squad 3
Number of posts: 480
Age: 22
Where the hell am i? : The depths of my mind, searching for curiositys.
job/ intrests: Anime, school, drumming, other stuff.
quote: Chilling like a villain.
Registration date: 2011-08-07
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Sat Sep 03, 2011 11:58 pm | |
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DarkMaster
Rogue Shinigami (Admin)
Number of posts: 570
Age: 27
Where the hell am i? : In a daze.
job/ intrests: That's Officer DarkMaster to you, buddy.
quote: I'm afraid of the dark.
Registration date: 2010-07-18
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Sun Sep 04, 2011 12:02 am | |
| Poor vs Rich - 4/10 - Posting length was rather lacking, but the thread was a decent length. The thread was okay overall. _________________ | Spoiler: | | | Rank: 4
Spirit power: 20 (Shikai = 30)
Speed: 35 (Shikai = 45)
Technique: 10 (Shikai = 20)
Fighting skill: 25 (Shikai = 35)
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Auryuu Spire
Member of Squad 3
Number of posts: 480
Age: 22
Where the hell am i? : The depths of my mind, searching for curiositys.
job/ intrests: Anime, school, drumming, other stuff.
quote: Chilling like a villain.
Registration date: 2011-08-07
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:22 pm | |
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Sal Norongachi
Vizard
Number of posts: 881
Age: 25
Where the hell am i? : Scotland
job/ intrests: Philosophical Drunkard/Booze
quote: Repensum est Canicula
Registration date: 2009-04-30
| | Subject: Re: Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) Sat Sep 10, 2011 12:28 am | |
| You ready? *drum roll*
How many Shinigami does it take to kill a Hollow?
5/10 Exp.
You would have gotten a 6 here but as i said in chat, the wording threw me at points and broke up the flow of your posts. Something to work on.
Also being realistic (even in a fantasy setting) is very much desired. A Captain, even with the limiter seal, would decimate you. I think you realized this near the end of the thread, I just hope you remember in future.
The only Flower:
3/10 Exp
Again, the wording applies here. The thread was short as well.
Please don't rush RP's simply to use them for Rank ups, quality takes time. Enjoy what you are writing and trust me it will show through when someone comes to rank it. |
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| | Rank up thread:Auryuu Spire (Shinigami) | |
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