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 Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread

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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
Age : 27
job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Tue Oct 02, 2012 11:37 pm

Character Name: Shibata Tim

Username: ShibataTim

Link to Character Bio: Shibata Tim(link)*

Current Rank: Rank 2

Current Exp: 3/45

Roleplays to be Evaluated:
Training for the Young(link)
Aftermath of Death(link)

Requested Stat Point Increases:
+3 Fighting Skill
+2 Speed



Last edited by ShibataTim on Sat Feb 23, 2013 11:53 pm; edited 3 times in total
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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
Age : 27
job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Sat Oct 06, 2012 2:19 am

-Updated; ready for evaluation Staff
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Shin Kinsen

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PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Mon Oct 08, 2012 12:20 am

Training for the Young 4/10
nice little solo could do with more detail environmentally and with the effects, instead of just describing the form. Honestly its a bit skimpy on you doing things, more actions more descriptions, make it interesting, even someone coming up and asking what you are practicing can add a lot, remember that life doesn't always go as you plan, mix it up a little.

Aftermath of dead 5/10

little meet n greet, don't know whats up with those words ya kept posting at the start and finish of every post, don't rely on filling your posts with the other person's words, it would be cool if you could choose a color instead of bolding it for your words, we DO have white, if you like. other than that avoid repeating yourself overly much
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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
Age : 27
job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:08 pm

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Shin Kinsen

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PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Tue Oct 09, 2012 4:04 pm

6/10
Better, but could be even more so, it has a bit of a hurried feel to it, put the level of detail you do in describing the martial art he uses into the rest of it will make it into more of a story, it seems like it was a little rushed, a lot happens in a very, you did add more action, but it needs to have the solid descriptions with it, you know? like describe the kido's they used on it. You have a solid base here you just need to flesh it out.

I know my writing ends up the same way when i get excited about a story and im writing it down as if its the last thing i do, hurriedly. Its ok to have those moments, just think of that as an outline and go back and see where you can embelish it a little, a tweak here some description there, and it will end up so much more than it was before.

Other than that a few logical discrepancies, a teacher picking up some random student to go fight in the real world is a bit odd, a hollow getting that close without the teacher being aware of it is odd, and the fact that he has bankai means he's probably captain class or higher, who wouldn't be teaching a class casually. Other than that its pretty good.
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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
Age : 27
job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Mon Oct 22, 2012 11:27 pm

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Ezrachek Rayone

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quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Mon Oct 22, 2012 11:58 pm

A Students own Peace - 3/10
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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
Age : 27
job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Thu Oct 25, 2012 2:22 am

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Arawn

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job/ intrests : Anything, but not everything
quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration date : 2010-06-23

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Thu Oct 25, 2012 2:37 pm

A meeting of sorts: [3/10]

I was in chat when you guys started this thread and was surprised to see it finished so quickly. Now I see why/how that was. For the most part there's nothing wrong with small post, but the overall development is weaker. It feels like spam/fluff rather than a real post. Sure it works, just not as enjoyable to read. The rushed feeling is there since you kinda gave up quickly. Since you kinda shrugged off the nut shot figured you'd give chase or perhaps use a kido to prevent his escape >.>

Congratz on the rank up. Pick up your diploma the front desk. Choose your stats and report to a squad for hazing cookies.

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Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
Age : 27
job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Sat Oct 27, 2012 5:14 pm

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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
Age : 27
job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Sat Oct 27, 2012 11:42 pm

One above still needs evaluation, whenever you guys get to it; plus this one. :0

Contact with the inner soul(solo)
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Sat Oct 27, 2012 11:51 pm

Bandits and Hollow, nothing else to follow- 4/10
No fighting Bandits, so title's a little confusing. Had some issues with the hollow battles, and a little weak on organization of thoughts.

Contact with the inner soul- 5/10
Good solo, good length, just lacks a little detail in the building of the story. Also, It's odd to see a full blown contact with the zanpakuto spirit without having the blade, usually at this level they will establish noises at best, nonetheless full blown verbal conversations.
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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
Age : 27
job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:35 am

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Arawn

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job/ intrests : Anything, but not everything
quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration date : 2010-06-23

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:45 am

The review begins:

Questioning Beliefs [5/10]

Leaving comments

Mr Tim goes to emo town since he can't beat the fire entity. It's understandable to be frustrated in the face of one own weakness. Well thought out, but you do repeat the same thing two different ways. Decent build up overall, but rather quick paced. (not a bad thing) But the mini-titles, I was debating between calling them subtitles or subheadings, seem rather pointless. If the sections were bigger they might have been more effective. In this case they felt like Cliff's notes for each grouping. Someone can skip to one of them and know what's it's about without reading. (This in no way affected your grade, just my personal preference)

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Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
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job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Tue Nov 06, 2012 9:12 pm

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ShibataTim

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Number of posts : 125
Age : 27
job/ intrests : Intelligrated
quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Tue Dec 11, 2012 11:04 pm

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Ezrachek Rayone

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Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:50 am

CB-Contact - 8/10

Wow! This was a long read, but a HIGHLY enjoyable one. As expected, the story behind these are amazing, and you played into the stories perfectly. Great job, keep up the good work Smile
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Arawn

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quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration date : 2010-06-23

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Mon Dec 24, 2012 3:04 am

Seems Mr Ezra missed your previous thread. I graded Haru's side so I shall do the same here

A quiet meeting: [5/10]

I'd say of the two of you I'd give a 5.5, but decimals killed my father. That or clowns. Any case, must like Haruko you played second part to the whole long conversation/socialization. Small talk and what not. Very good length overall, some parts could have run smoother, but it works.

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Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

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ShibataTim

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quote : If one fights for the many and the many fight for the one; then the land shall prosper
Registration date : 2012-09-29

PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Sat Feb 23, 2013 12:11 am

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DarkMaster

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PostSubject: Re: Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread   Sat Feb 23, 2013 11:43 pm

Troubling Past - 6/10

Rank up Achieved

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