Shibata Tim Rank Up Thread

Character Name: Shibata Tim

Username: ShibataTim

Link to Character Bio: Shibata Tim(link)*

Current Rank: Rank 2

Current Exp: 3/45

Roleplays to be Evaluated:
Training for the Young(link)
Aftermath of Death(link)

Requested Stat Point Increases:
+3 Fighting Skill
+2 Speed

-Updated; ready for evaluation Staff

Training for the Young 4/10
nice little solo could do with more detail environmentally and with the effects, instead of just describing the form. Honestly its a bit skimpy on you doing things, more actions more descriptions, make it interesting, even someone coming up and asking what you are practicing can add a lot, remember that life doesn't always go as you plan, mix it up a little.

Aftermath of dead 5/10

little meet n greet, don't know whats up with those words ya kept posting at the start and finish of every post, don't rely on filling your posts with the other person's words, it would be cool if you could choose a color instead of bolding it for your words, we DO have white, if you like. other than that avoid repeating yourself overly much

6/10
Better, but could be even more so, it has a bit of a hurried feel to it, put the level of detail you do in describing the martial art he uses into the rest of it will make it into more of a story, it seems like it was a little rushed, a lot happens in a very, you did add more action, but it needs to have the solid descriptions with it, you know? like describe the kido's they used on it. You have a solid base here you just need to flesh it out.

I know my writing ends up the same way when i get excited about a story and im writing it down as if its the last thing i do, hurriedly. Its ok to have those moments, just think of that as an outline and go back and see where you can embelish it a little, a tweak here some description there, and it will end up so much more than it was before.

Other than that a few logical discrepancies, a teacher picking up some random student to go fight in the real world is a bit odd, a hollow getting that close without the teacher being aware of it is odd, and the fact that he has bankai means he's probably captain class or higher, who wouldn't be teaching a class casually. Other than that its pretty good.

One above still needs evaluation, whenever you guys get to it; plus this one. :0

Contact with the inner soul(solo)