Anna Burū Rank Up Thread

Subject: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Sun Oct 07, 2012 2:45 am

Character Name: Anna Burū

Username: BoredomSaysHello

Link to Character Bio: Anna Burū

Current Rank: Rank 2

Current Exp: [15/45]

Roleplays to be Evaluated
Training Gone Bad
Aftermath of Death

Requested Stat Point Increases:

Subject: Re: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Sun Oct 07, 2012 5:16 am

Training gone bad: [4/10]

An interesting romp in the human world for the fledgling shinigami. Pretty much goes at a quick pace. A small bit a quiet before the battle unfolds. Felt odd you didn't define the first hollow. The other two get a little more attention, but still retain "red shirt" status. Brave of you to resist the flight instinct and jump in against two hollows as a rookie. But most students travel to the human world in groups to train for precisely that reason.

Number of Posts : 207 Age : 35 Registration Date : 2012-07-29

Aftermath of death 4/10
posts were a bit skimpy, kudo to you for introducing a bit of spice to a meet n greet, even aligns with the other person's views. Try adding more fluff and descriptions, you can always use actions and traits and thoughts to flush out posts, even if you have your character's mind wander, don't worry you'll get the hang of it

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

A Hard Days Spar
Ready ^^

Subject: Re: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:47 am

A hard day's spar: [6/10]

A rather novel training method a 6 way sparring session. Still while I expected a rabid free for all instead it came out to be a rather structured King of the Mountain. Maybe too structured. I can't help, but feel it would have been more dynamic in a less confined space. Although there wasn't much in the way of setting I can only imagine a standard fighting dojo. If it were in a forest or somewhere else it might have been longer in length as well. A number of NPCs some got more detail than others, but not too shabby coordination in the fights.

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

Hunting Bandits, Being Hunted

Number of Posts : 521 Age : 28 Registration Date : 2010-10-30

6/10 Hunting Bandits

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

Bandits and Hollow, Nothing Else to Follow

Subject: Re: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Sat Oct 27, 2012 7:14 am

Bandits and Hollow, nothing else to follow: [4/10]

The title abit misleading as you face no bandits, or perhaps I missed the reference to your other thread. With that said fighting bandits might have been easier. But instead your face a cluster of hollow. One of which starts attacking the others. The fact you got knocked out early was less dramatic since you woke up second later not to mention had time enough to warn of the aforementioned big hollow's arrival. I would also note the stats were off for the hollow that killed Gritzal: 75. So I figured it was rank 2ish. I might be mistaken, but did Eliso survive? I don't think you went back to finish him off after that kido.

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

Sleeping and Dreaming with the Soul of the Mind; a Forsaken Image until it Awakens

Subject: Re: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Wed Oct 31, 2012 12:13 am

Sleeping and Dreaming with the Soul of the Mind; a Forsaken Image until it Awakens - 6/10

Much better with the details in the beginning paragraph, however it seems to fade throughout the thread, as expected. However, it was surprising to see that the detail had still been present throughout most of the thread. Good length as well given that it was a dialogue. It could've included some action, but I won't take off for that Wink

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

An Unexpected Predicament Within the Adventure, and the Hunting of Bandits Amongst a Memory of Death; a Hatred Burning Within the Heart, and a Disgust of the Event in Which is Executed

Subject: Re: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:00 am

An Unexpected Predicament Within the Adventure, and the Hunting of Bandits Amongst a Memory of Death; a Hatred Burning Within the Heart, and a Disgust of the Event in Which is Executed: [4/10]

I was going to complain about the title, but it fits the thread perfectly. In this case both are ambitious, but come across as jumbled. Perhaps you could have nixed the hollow in the pit, and just made it a trap. It died quickly so might as well have been non-existent. The flashback might have played out better if it occurred during your climb out of the pit, or as you sat on the bottom. To me it didn't seem like the quick flash of memory one had as they ran toward an enemy. Instead it felt like a long cut away sequence. Maybe it could have been a hallucination as you fought might have been better. The faces of your attackers were seen as the bandits. You know transposing your past situation on the current one. Lashing out at the "attackers". As for the attackers, let's take a role call:
Spiked hair - crushed eyes, stabbed in throat. Black hair - ducked sword and stabbed between ribs. Woman - cut in half. Blue eyes - stabbed through the heart. Brown eyes - decapitated by kido. You said 4 at start, and after first kill said 3 were left. But as you can see 5 were killed. Mr big muscles with blue eyes is the odd man out.

EDIT: Seems I was mistaken about the 5 killed bit. Upgraded the score to 4

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

Unknown Chaos Within (Part I)

Subject: Re: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Sat Dec 01, 2012 2:55 pm

Unknown Chaos Within- 4/10

It was a really good read, and quite confusing in the beginning but it got clearer in the ending. can't wait to read the next part. Good job

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

[CB] Inspection

Number of Posts : 71 Age : 29 Registration Date : 2012-01-18

[CB] Inspection- 7/10 liked the development, there, what with you being nuts, and all. Could've gone on longer, but it works, I guess.

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

Unknown Chaos Within (Part II)

Subject: Re: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:08 am

Unknown chaos within: [5/10]

I do realize this is the second part of a thread, but rather than grade it as a whole I'm forced to evaluate it by it's own merit. Being the second part is both a blessing and a curse. Setting, characters, etc are all carried over from the first one. Even I was forced to review what had gone on before. The metal slabs you picked up and threw, the monster actions, etc. Just something was missing. Stand alone it's somewhat better than the first part and yet not. Hard to explain. In the end it could have been a single post (although a long one)

Congratz on rank up.

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

Meh. It's not getting any better or any worse. I'll just submit this for now. Not ready, will remove the code thing when I am.

Unknown Chaos Within (Part III)

Subject: Re: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Tue Feb 26, 2013 7:51 pm

Unknown Chaos [6/10]

Number of Posts : 80 Age : 27 Registration Date : 2012-09-30

Unknown Chaos Within (Part IV)

Subject: Re: Anna Burū Rank Up Thread Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:39 pm

Unknown Chaos Within: [4/10]

Seemed more to showcase your new weapon than anything else. That and display the fighting style required to use it. Rather quick progression if you consider the threads are connected/linked. Thought your zan spirit was some clawed monster or something. The end gave abit of foreshadowing was kinda more interesting than the exchange with the zan.

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