[Solo, individuals are not perfect and they have doubts so thought this was appropriate to bring depth into my character]The beginning to the day of Doubt-
Tim awoke abruptly from his restless slumber, his eyes watered as he rubbed them. He outstretched both of his arms and came to a yawn. Afterwords he reflected on the night before; it was as if he was in a nightmare that he could not escape. He dreamed of that fire being once more, but this time it challenged it. Tried as he may, he stood absolutely no chance. Did his very best Shibata Tim did in the face of the daunting foe that seemed to dwell within him, but every move he made was predicted and was as if he was taught by this entity. The entity made a laughing fool out of him, not one attack landed nor could he guard against the entities attacks.
His bed was soaked in sweet and so he frowned. He would need to wash the sheets, might as well do the blankets and pillow while he was at it too. As he moved his legs off of the bed so his feet could rest on the floor, he sat on his beds with his hands out in front of him. The scorched marks from the day before were still embedded deep within his skin. It was from when he had contacted the fire entity through meditation and in fact he had angered the being after repeatedly asking questions that he seemed not wanting to answer. A lesson he learned the hard way it would seem.
Tim's mind was racing, he had a lot on it. What with his original beliefs to protect the people of the living world, when he was alive and well, but that had long passed; he still did so, but now he was a spirit. He had always believed that if one fought for the many and the many fought for the one, then the land shall prosper. In fact, he never truly found the outcome if the saying was true, but he believed in it strongly. Second on his mind was his loyalty to the Shinigami of the Gotei. It wasn't that he distrusted them or anything, but to as why he was placed here and if this was even his place. Such things never crossed his mind before because back when he was living his life was simple. He had trained from a very young age to be a swordsman and in the art of hai-ki-do, then eventually decided to destroy every single bandit in Japan; which ultimately cost him his life.
Now he had this fire entity on his mind too. Everything seemed to be weighing heavily on his mind, even so much as the Squad that he had recently been inducted to. In fact, he had not even met the Squad Captain yet, but he didn't belief he had any reason to; yet. A migraine crept over him as his mind raced and he just couldn't shake any of the thoughts.The starting was just the beginning
After bringing his bedding to the apartment complexes laundry room, in a rather large bag, he decided it would be a good idea to go out and spend some time on his own. Recently he was so caught up with becoming a Shinigami and finding new friends, even fighting Hollows, that he had no time for himself. Now everything was crashing down in his mind, it was perhaps time to relax and collect himself.
A few blocks from the apartment complex he came across the same clearing along the walls of the Seireitai that a young boy had stolen his library book, Shin. Shin, that brought up some ill-intending thoughts which only served to frustrate his already stressed mind even more so. When he finally reached the tree that the two had enjoyed a small chat together, he sat on the smooth green grass. The wind blew a bit and he sighed as he leaned against the single tree.
Tim had always been the one to protect others and seek absolutely no reward, but he was also never thanked for it. Was he doing something wrong? More thoughts of doubt flooded into his mind. He was so into helping others and defending those that can not otherwise defend themselves that he never once stopped to think if he was doing the right thing for himself. Of course it was a good thing to do, but was it for him was the question.
Thud! A solid hammer strike came from his clenched fist as he struck the smooth grass. Which now was clamped and dense up below his fist. "What is wrong with me?!"
He said out loud in his frustration. Tim believed so long that it was his skills that protected people, in fact he did that, but for what reasoning's? Why would he give his life up for others? No one else seemed to give a damn or at the very least no one showed that they did, not even a simple 'thank you' was ever extended to him. So what was the point?Mid-day
Without even realizing, he had slipped back into rest. A few hours past and he finally awoken with before his very eyes was his blade, the Asauchi. Which had been broken during his last encounter with a very powerful Hollow. In this battle his friend, Anna, had been horribly injured. Luckily, she was now safe and well. That encounter, it brought some hope back into his mind and heart.
Perhaps it was watching his friend be so badly injured that brought out something deep inside of him, his true power or perhaps just dedication. Whatever it was it made him conquer the very powerful Hollow. The aftermath left him carrying Anna for miles to a medical center, even in his exhausted state. In fact, he even cried for her. "If only I was stronger, faster I would of been able to prevent this."
Was what he had thought at the time and even now so.
Some clarity seeped into his troubled mind after remembered just how he felt both before and in the aftermath of that battle. He was in fact doing good for people to fight for them and not just for himself. It would do no good to deny that he had some great potential and his heart had always been in the right place. It's just that he wanted some recognition, something he might never receive. He would just have to get use to it. After all, hero's are often rewarded after they were dead. The irony of that was that he was dead now and in the Spirit World.
He remembered reading historical novels about the Samurai of old form his country of Japan. They served their daimyos(lords) to the utmost, even going as far as to giving up their lives for them. Though Tim had no true lord to dedicate his life to, just the people of the world of the living and now the ones of the Spirit World. All he had was his beliefs and now those were being challenged by himself. An Oath
As he looked at his Asauchi stuck into the ground before him, he could see his reflection in the fine steel. Some moments passed, but he had no real sense of time besides the light of the sun and such. So he had no idea how long he stared into the blade and ultimately at his reflection. Honor, Duty and Justice. These were three words, both powerful and not easily mastered; these would be the words that he would dedicate his now very changed life to.
Reaching for the sturdy handle of his blade, he grasped it firmly. Pulling it out of the ground he stood up from his seated position. Once he stood he raised the blade up high, well above his head. "I swear that I will do everything that I can to protect the innocent and that I shall vanquish those that would oppress them. That no ill-intending man, Hollow nor any other ill being shall bring harm to them. I swear this to myself..."
Tim felt an overwhelming amount of relief wash over him. As if all his questions now had answers and that he could just about do anything. Even if this oath would ultimately cost him his life once again, it would not change; nor would he falter. He would do everything possible and go out of his way to protect everyone, no matter their standings in life and in death. It was now his duty to do so.