History of an old character

Please read and comment on this history it is important I get feed back on it.

Alex was a normal child good family good friends. He had lived his first few years in relative peace. That is until the day of his seventh birthday that is when things began to go astray. There had been talk around the news of a new serial killer named Barry The Chopper. This man was becoming known for his history and gruesome murders. This man was said to have no heart. But that is a story for another time.


On Alex’s Seventh birthday his family fell to the blade of Barry the chopper save him and his younger sister Senna who was 5 at the time. He stood his ground as the murder looked at him. He knew he was going to die and as Barry brought his blade up to strike him down he saw something in the boys eyes it was a fire of sorts. He was ready to die and all for his sister. He lowered his blade that day and then finally his hands messed with the boys hair.

He then crouched down and offered him and his sister a chance at survival. Alex turned to his scared shitless sister and accepted for the both of them. Barry then told them to follow him as he left their old house which Barry took a bottle of alcohol and an old rag. He took out a lighter and tossed the bottle in after lighting the rag he stuffed in the bottle. The bottle broke allowing the flames to catch. As the police came they say the destruction and the three bodies inside and sighed. He had gotten away again and now they had more paperwork.


A few years passed and Alex and Senna had grown. They had been working with their new father Barry The Chopper and he had grown attached. Barry had help with his murders now and now he had someone to help clean up so clues to how he killed would not be revealed. And on one occasion they had decided to forego cleaning up and started experimenting with the use of explosives. They went to a recent killing Barry taking the head.

Alex decided to try something as all of them were leaving he took out a type of c4. he pushed the c4 in the now decapitated mans stomach. He then allowed the c4 to be triggered by a string release as he tied one end to the handle of the door. He went out and closed the door the body exploded and covered the room in blood. Wow the look as the blood that painted the walls dripped down slowly. It was truly something to behold as something else caught his attention. The bones were still there and they were broken in some places but mostly clean.


Several years passed and Alex and his sister grew. They were normal for the most part. Alex was a bit over protective of his sister. He was like so because his sister was just beginning to garner male attention at her age. He was more ragged and had wild hair at this time. This proved annoying as for several years when he had this style growing in blood would get in it due to their Adoptive fathers Homicidal tendencies.

As their father was captured Alex breathed a sigh or relief he was finally done with this life. Or that was what he thought. He found himself craving bloodshed almost as if it something he needed. He wondered this about himself for 2 years. His sister and he had gotten jobs to support themselves but one day his Sister came back crying from the job. That was the breaking point for Alex.


Alex had finally snapped as that was done. He had attained a set of knives from over the years and he took his favorite. It was a long thin combat knife. He was going to do some damage to his sisters Boss. He traveled down there his sister in tow as he did so. Letting her stay in the car as he went to handle the problem the only way he knew how… Bloodshed and lots of it.

He walked in and asked to speak with the manager who was his sisters boss. He then looked at the man his eyes cold and devoid of compassion. he then invited the man outside. His hands in his pockets as if he was reaching for the knife. The employees of the store moved to the back of the store from the look Alex gave them and the manager. If looks could kill one such manager would be dead twelve times over. He then followed alex outside slowly taking his time as the pride in his step was something one could envy.


He remembered who this was. It was a Trinitario member and he knew of the gangs bloody past. He smiled at the man with a smirk in his eye as he pulled one of the two knives. The man pulled his weapon of choice from his sleeve. The duo fought for a while before a clear winner was decided. Alex stood above the man bloody and beaten but the victor. Then the man pulled out another weapon from his pocket a gun. Alex looked down the barrel of the weapon and froze. Then that was when the man cocked it back and pulled the trigger. The semi automatic pistol hit a blank before it fired off another round that pierced Alex. He didn’t die but he was damn near close to it as he fell. His sister ran over to him as gher boss fell unconscious from the gun coming back from recoil and hitting him in the head. She took alex into the car and drove him to the hospital. He died before they reached.

In my opinion, it makes a great story, it just needs to be fleshed out a bit more. It's rather blunt, so its a hard read towards the end. don't be afraid of fluff, just don't overfluff it. My only other qualm was how there it seemed to just get to a certain point in a hurry, though that's kinda going with fleshing it out.