| | Junko's Rank up |  |
|
|
| Author | Message |
|---|
Junko
Number of Posts : 521
Age : 28
Registration Date : 2010-10-30
 |  Subject: Junko's Rank up  Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:38 pm | |
|
Last edited by Junko on Sun Feb 26, 2012 12:02 pm; edited 3 times in total | |
|
 | |
Arawn
Number of Posts : 3440
Age : 43
Location : Here, but there
Job/Interests : Anything, but not everything
Quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration Date : 2010-06-23
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Tue Feb 21, 2012 11:30 pm | |
| The agency: [4/10]
While awful short there's character in this thread. The foreshadowing made me want more, and yet there wasn't anything. But that was the point, right? So it was successful in that respect. Still a rather blunt ending, it could have gone further and still had the same effect. Mystery men and their mystery briefcase was very MIB. You're setting up up for a wild ride so for an intro it's great. Stand alone a bit lacking. Good job regardless. | |
|
| | |
Junko
Number of Posts : 521
Age : 28
Registration Date : 2010-10-30
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:43 pm | |
| | |
|
| | |
Amaya
Number of Posts : 154
Age : 32
Job/Interests : Toturing innocent souls
Quote : Butterflies!
Registration Date : 2010-07-13
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Fri Mar 02, 2012 2:58 am | |
| Playing with fire: 6 points
It is average length, fair story, not much more to say on my part | |
|
| | |
Arawn
Number of Posts : 3440
Age : 43
Location : Here, but there
Job/Interests : Anything, but not everything
Quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration Date : 2010-06-23
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Sun Mar 04, 2012 12:59 am | |
| It's recommended that you post new threads as replies, or you'll just end up bumping this thread. So might as well just make the new post so that it flags as new.
The Agency pt 2: [6/10]
Lost original comments, was rather witty too. Oh wells. At first didn't make sense until I realized this like 24. Or I think it was. If not I'd say it should get point less. The skips work in similar fashion. Did anyone die in the APC? Later when your team was divided in half you had only 2 people with from the squad of 9. | |
|
| | |
Junko
Number of Posts : 521
Age : 28
Registration Date : 2010-10-30
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Wed Mar 21, 2012 7:50 pm | |
| | |
|
| | |
Arawn
Number of Posts : 3440
Age : 43
Location : Here, but there
Job/Interests : Anything, but not everything
Quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration Date : 2010-06-23
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Thu Mar 22, 2012 12:38 am | |
| Agency part 3: [3/10]
Agreed, not your best, but not your worst . I think you could have gone PG-13 or N-17 at least. This felt like a G at best. I could see what you were aiming for with this thread, but I found myself doing most of the work. In essence you left alot up to the imagination of the reader. I could see Junko strapped to metal table one would see in a morgue, the brown leather straps cutting into her wrists. But that's not what's written. It like paint by numbers, but I ended up filling in whatever colors I wanted. Compared to the other two less "umph" As for story; they know she's not human. With being said she didn't do anything supernatural to try and escape. It was if Junko forgot she wasn't human and wound up getting tortured. | |
|
| | |
Junko
Number of Posts : 521
Age : 28
Registration Date : 2010-10-30
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:07 am | |
| | |
|
| | |
Arawn
Number of Posts : 3440
Age : 43
Location : Here, but there
Job/Interests : Anything, but not everything
Quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration Date : 2010-06-23
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Fri Jul 06, 2012 1:56 am | |
| Agency Fin: [5/10]
Dark and moody, but what can you expect from a prison story? Still the numbers confused me at first 600 days then you say a decade had passed. I was checking my math on that one. Again I'm left questioning why she'd stayed in the gigai and just escape, but seems she had some reason. More time and I say this would have easily scored higher. Still with so little time it did well enough. Didn't grade it right away so you could have went back and proof read and caught the errors. | |
|
| | |
Junko
Number of Posts : 521
Age : 28
Registration Date : 2010-10-30
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Fri Jul 06, 2012 10:03 am | |
| She had no way to get out of the gigai... and plus all of the guards could have seen her. | |
|
| | |
Junko
Number of Posts : 521
Age : 28
Registration Date : 2010-10-30
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Thu Jul 26, 2012 2:10 am | |
| | |
|
| | |
Follow the Morrigan
Number of Posts : 110
Age : 33
Location : Somewhere cold
Job/Interests : Job: I have (technically) five jobs, and one paycheck. / Interests: Cardfight, Daughter, RPGs
Quote : No, she doesn't have a dirty diaper. She just farted.
Registration Date : 2011-11-26
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:51 pm | |
| The Escape Plan: 8/10 for your parts to the thread. Here's a bucket of Curry too, enjoy.
I've not made a major contribution to this thread, so I feel good that my part in grading this isn't too involved. | |
|
| | |
Junko
Number of Posts : 521
Age : 28
Registration Date : 2010-10-30
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Sat Apr 06, 2013 1:09 pm | |
| | |
|
| | |
Junko
Number of Posts : 521
Age : 28
Registration Date : 2010-10-30
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:42 am | |
| | |
|
| | |
Arawn
Number of Posts : 3440
Age : 43
Location : Here, but there
Job/Interests : Anything, but not everything
Quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration Date : 2010-06-23
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up Wed Apr 17, 2013 11:27 pm | |
| End of the beginning: [5/10]
Tried to figure out of this is a flashback thread or not. At first I thought it was current after Junko's fall from grace so to speak. It could really go either way. That aside the start up piques the interest, but the vagueness (surprised I spelled that right) kinda cuts into it. I don't see why the man was surprised when you killed the other guy. He did promise you gold. But to why his son was in a fight to the death is another question all together. | |
|
| | |
Sponsored content
| | Subject: Re: Junko's Rank up | |
| |
|
| | |
| | Junko's Rank up | |
|
