Kaben Mangetsu : Shinigami Template: finish

Shinigami Template:

Name: Kaben Mangetsu
Age: looks like 15 (she and Murisaki die when they were both ten)( real age 50)
Gender: Female
Race: white
Birthplace: Karakura Town
Occupation: none
Height: 4'11"
Weight: 85lbs.

Appearance:

Kaben a very short person with light pink hair girl with bright violet eyes. Her average height reach just at 4'11", she weight a little under 85lbs. Kaben has pale white creamy skin tone. Kaben has a tattoo of the number 03 on her right arm in between the shoulder and elbow in a crimson color.

Personality: Kaben is loving and caring person and is also easy to anger and no one wants her angry, once this happens it hard to calm her down. but when she calm she jump at fight anyone for fun. Hate to be bored, and once she bored thing get interesting. As interesting (I mean) she has a joking side of dark and twisted pranks.

Special Characteristics: Kaben is extra sensitive to Reiatsu

Stats:
Spirit Power: 25
Speed: 10
Technique: 15
Fighting Skill: 10
Sealed Zanpakto:
Is pink and black 21 inch katana, black being the hilt and pink being the blade no covering.


History: She and her twin sister Murisaki die in a fatal car crash at age ten that also took the lives of thirty other people included their parents. kaben awoke in the Soul Society holding the hand of her sister, Murisaki, who was still pass out. And come to find out they were both dead. And now living in the Soul Society East Rukongai District 80, which is a hardscrabble, violent, crime-infested area. Murisaki awoke with me half-dead and bleeding everywhere, she didn't know what to do and when the guy Kyou attacked her. She blacked out. My sister violently started attacking any and everyone in the area. With no reget and remorse killing everybody in her way. And when she finally awoke from her trance like state with fifty dead body surrounding her. When they were in the District 80, they were known the Demonic Twin. Kaben found how to protect herself and her sister by fighting the violent people of that area. She and her sister finally got out of that place one year later. they both went to the East Rukongai District 10 and live there peacefully until now.

Role Playing Sample: "Nee-chan, you need to wake up. There trouble." Murisaki whispered to me as she gently shaked me. "I'm up, I'm up you can stop now." I told her as I looked around at the five people surrounding us. You could tell from their wounds and scars that they fought alot, even if they didn't win. And by the looks on their faces they wanted to fight us. "We heard that you two are the Demonic Twin and we want to fight." The leader of the group said. I looked back at the dark brown haired guy with a sacr across his creek and said, "No. Give me a time and place. And we will meet there."

Got a Few problems and stuff here


1. I see here is that you're trying to have two characters in one app, please split them into two separate characters, if you intend for them to both be PC (player characters) then you need to make a second account for one of them. You could also make one as a PC and another as an NPC that is always with her. If neither of those options suit you mention it here and we will try to adress the problem.

2. They are both a little bit skimy on personality traits. and the history can be longer, describe what they did in life and in death if you need to, these are to give other players a better understanding of your character(s). Also you have no Role playing sample.

3. You don't get Shikai til rank 2 so for now we will just ignore it so you might as well take it out for now.

4. Those Special Characteristics need to be addressed. These are supposed to be weak little freebies kind of thing.

"Kaben is able to sense reiatsu with out even trying, and by touch can see a person memories and thoughts." The first one here isn't that bad basicaly saying instead of having to actively feel for reiatsu she just feels it, unless you are saying noone can ever hide from her, which would not really be acceptable, not as an absolute.

The second one is not something I would be willing to give out as a freebie, especially since its the same as one of our captain's abilities granted by his shikai, a very powerful ability if used correctly.

Murisaki is able to hide all her reiatsu and no one would be able to find her (except Kaben) and can make others feel her emotions and thoughts, she is advance in healing others. Is also advance in kido, and also has, just little over, average reiatsu.

The only problem i have with this one is her being able to hide completely from anyone, you need to give people an out. don't use absolutes. other than that its not that bad.

The special characteristics are there more for skills and traits rather than powers. Stuff like medical knowledge and maybe tiny powers are ok, but any power that could potentially be considered as a shikai power would be far too powerful to be granted by this.



I do apologize for the long list but please address my concerns and comments, we will keep an eye on the Topic so please leave comments or questions here if you have any about your character or anything I have mentioned

I edit my characters profile, so tell me what you think?

okay thanks for the tips

The Special Characteristics still need to addressed: "Kaben is able to sense reiatsu with out even trying, and by touch can see a person memories and thoughts."

As i said before, the Sensing should not be an absolute, and a no on the second part.

something like "Kaben is extra sensitive to Reiatsu." or "Kaben is good at reading people's emotions." would be fine though. Its a small freebie or trait NOT a power

Other than that I see no real problems, a bit more personality would be nice, but its not a big issue.

how is it now?

Looks fine to me.


Have fun with your character.