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The war is over and the Soul King has been destroyed. Great rifts are being torn between the realms and the flow of souls has become unstable. Will you come to the aid of the universe or become its ultimate undoing? The choice is yours!
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 Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami

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Number of posts : 2
Age : 24
Registration date : 2014-05-16

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PostSubject: Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami   Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami I_icon_minitimeFri May 16, 2014 1:05 am

Soul Reaper

Name:Kurai Tsuki

Age:21(Looks 17)






Weight:120 lbs.

Appearance:White Hair with Brown Eyes. Hair is wavy and has pure white skin. He is not strong, but not not weak either. Sometimes wears a cloak. Never smiles. Everyone thinks he is cute.

Personality:Is always calm. When he is in trouble, he always try to find a way out. When people are angry, he always manages to succeed. Is a nice person. People call him cute, which is the only thing he gets a little mad about.

Special Characteristics:Can move very fast and can absorb and manipulate shadows

Sprit Power:20



Fighting Skill:15

Sealed Zanpakuto:

History:Kurai was born into a rich family when he was born. His destiny had came from his dad, which had came to the human world. He had to come to the human world to help defend against hollows. He had fallen in love with a human, and so he decided to stay and marry into her family. In exchange, he had to give up his powers to be with her. That was how Kurai was born. While his parents were on a overseas trip, the boat had sunken, leaving no trace of Kurai's parents. Then, something had happened. He started seeing hollows and ghosts. He was smart enough to find that hollows were ones who had caused the nearby earthquakes. He wanted to honor his parents by evacuating people near the hollows. After saving lots of people, a hollow had claimed his life. He had shut out all his old friends after his parents died. Kurai wants to starts over in the soul society, hoping to have a better life there.

Role Playing Sample:Kurai had been sweating. He had no idea what happened in the past minute or two, so he had to piece the memories together. "Think Kurai, think!" He thought to himself. He had remembered clearly now. He had seen a big... thing!
A monster the size of a convenience store! He had saw thing jumping on people. Kurai left from his office to the ground floor to search for survivers. He saw many people crying for help and screaming at the so called earthquake. He had seen a group of teenagers hiding behind a bush, crying for help. Kurai had rushed to where they were and guided them to safety. But then he went back to the building.
Kurai didn't care about dying. He was sure his friend was still in the building. But he was nowhere to be seen. As Kurai found his way out, something had landed on him. Something very heavy. He had felt so much pain then. By the time it was over, he was dead.

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Number of posts : 857
Age : 34
Where the hell am i? : In a daze.
job/ intrests : That's Officer DarkMaster to you, buddy.
quote : I'm afraid of the dark.
Registration date : 2010-07-18

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PostSubject: Re: Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami   Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami I_icon_minitimeSun May 18, 2014 8:34 pm


Alright, I was hoping you would add more detail to your application as it is skimpy at best, so I thought I would let it sit for a bit. Even though we don't expect every one to be a master writer, we do appreciate proper grammar and details in our writing, as it helps others to understand better, what may be happening in a post.

His appearance and personality are too straight forward and don't truly describe how he looks and how he acts. Is his hair long or short? Pure white skin, is just that. Not sure you want to be walking around like an albino or ghost. Saying that he is not strong, but not weak does not really describe how he looks. Is he lean and cut? Or does he look thin and frail, perhaps looking like he can be blown away by a gust of wind? Be creative with your phrasing. "Never smiles," this is cliche and done a lot. Ask yourself how many people you've met who never smile. Likely none. I'm not saying you have to change it. What about his eyes? Are they gentle and inviting. Would someone "get lost in his gaze?" Or perhaps they may be piercing and intimidating. Since he's described as "cute," I'm likely to think they are gentle at the least. Is he a pretty boy, or does he possess a feminine cuteness? Use pics from the net. I like Anime Characters Database You can find lots of pictures with various attributes. Post a picture and amend it accordingly with your description to give it your own personal touch.

Describe his clothing. Usually when you first start out, you are in the academy if not just a wandering soul of Soul Society. Obviously if you are in the academy your wardrobe is rather limited to the uniform, but during off days what would he wear. You say he has a cloak. What color is it? Does it drag on the ground or stops at the calves? Is it a hooded cloak? When you start off as a shinigami, you have the standard uniform. As you move up in seats you can tailor it to his personality.

For his personality, describe how he interacts with peers and superiors. Is he confident or meek? Does he look down on anybody? Does he speak in a formal manner or slang? Does he act the same way with everyone? Is he easily approachable? Is he a bookworm, pacifist, or fighter? "When he is in trouble, he always try to find a way out. When people are angry, he always manages to succeed." These sentences don't properly convey his personality. Needless to say, anyone would try to find a way to win when in trouble. How would he succeed against an angry individual? Anger is a powerful emotion, and also varies from subject to subject.

Now onto your history and role play sample. You can definitely add more detail to both. You jump from idea to idea without giving much of an explanation. How old was he when his parents "died"? Did his father explain who he was to his child. Was he able to distinguish between ghosts and humans? How did he find out hollows were the cause? How did you protect the people? By shouting about the hollows? Pretty sure people would think you were crazy. You say he shut out all his friends after his parents died, but you are with a friend in your sample. You wanted to honor your parents? It's obvious that his father protected people when he was a shinigami. What about his mother? This goes back to whether or not his father shared his past. Your history implies he knows about hollows, but the sample says otherwise as he sees a big "thing." As far as your role playing, don't forget to describe the scenery. Day, night, overcast, clear, new moon, or full moon, windy or still, rainy or dry. Describe smells. Describe people around you. You mentioned teenagers hiding behind a bush. How many? Do they look like street or privileged teens? If you feel they would make an impact to your story, try and describe them in detail. Use your five senses. The hollow that lands on him, does it drool on him? Does it smell? If it's sunny, can he see the shadow of it? What kind of pain did he feel? Searing or dull? It's obvious he dies. Is it from injuries? Know that if he his eaten by the hollow he can't be sent to Soul Society.

You special characteristics are not any special techniques that you can use. So absorbing manipulating shadows is out of the question. Saying he can move very fast is also irrelevant as speed is based on stats. Special characteristics are more about passive knowledge and learned skills such as quick learning abilities, good memory, martial arts studies, etc.

And lastly, your zanpakuto starts off as a basic katana or "Asauchi" as it is referred to in the manga/anime. When you achieve shikai then you can have the base form of your choosing.

So once you get those cleared up, you can start having fun.

Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami Untitled-12-3
Tatsuya's Stats:

Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami 29e2d74
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Number of posts : 2
Age : 24
Registration date : 2014-05-16

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PostSubject: Re: Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami   Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami I_icon_minitimeSun May 18, 2014 9:04 pm

OK, thanks for the reply! This is my first time doing this and so I'm not very good at these things. When I'm bad at things, it takes a long time to get in the groove of things. I will fix it to the best of my ability. Here it is!


Name: Kurai Tsuki

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PostSubject: Re: Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami   Kurai Tsuki-Shinigami I_icon_minitime

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