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 Ezrachek RankUp

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Ezrachek Rayone

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Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Ezrachek RankUp   Sat Jan 14, 2012 10:56 pm

Character Name: Ezrachek Rayone

Username: Ezrachek Rayone

Link to Character Bio: http://thebleachworld.darkbb.com/t3545-ezrachek-tripmine-rayone#26508

Current Rank: 2

Current Exp: 34/45

Roleplays to be Evaluated: http://thebleachworld.darkbb.com/t3550-zanpakuto-training#26509
http://thebleachworld.darkbb.com/t3551-a-simple-spar#26524

Requested Stat Point Increases:
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Arawn

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Number of posts : 3440
Age : 36
Where the hell am i? : Here, but there
job/ intrests : Anything, but not everything
quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration date : 2010-06-23

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sun Jan 15, 2012 5:16 am

Zanpukto training: [4/10]

A little quick for a solo. Not much in a wind-up; why he was hunting wolves, how he got to the tree, etc. Still it worked to some extent although there was little challenge from the wolves or the man that attacked him.(he did kinda come out of nowhere) Not sure Seireitei smiles on shinigami students slaying random people. Let a witness no less....

A simple spar: [4/10]

Started rather thin in post, but you build up from there. Again felt somewhat short, but both of you enjoyed yourselves so I guess it all worked out.

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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sun Jan 15, 2012 9:06 pm

Character Name: Ezrachek Rayone

Username: Ezrachek Rayone

Link to Character Bio:http://thebleachworld.darkbb.com/t3545-ezrachek-tripmine-rayone#26508

Current Rank: 0

Current Exp: 8/20

Roleplays to be Evaluated:http://thebleachworld.darkbb.com/t3554-dinner-with-shakaku

Requested Stat Point Increases:
+5 Speed
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Kuro

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Number of posts : 1093
Age : 28
Where the hell am i? : where indeed :/........
job/ intrests : Plant worker/writing
quote : Ah ah ah, can't touch me
Registration date : 2009-06-20

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sun Jan 15, 2012 10:12 pm

Dinner with Shakaku: 4/10

I am pleased with how this turned out. A decent thread with good development and length. Short post sizes, but that's to be expected in a thread with multiple people. Keep up the good work.

PS: you don't have to write up your points and intended stat increases every time. Just give us the links to the threads and we'll edit your top post to monitor your progress.
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sun Jan 15, 2012 10:19 pm

Oh k thanx
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Mon Jan 16, 2012 7:12 pm

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Arawn

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Number of posts : 3440
Age : 36
Where the hell am i? : Here, but there
job/ intrests : Anything, but not everything
quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration date : 2010-06-23

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Tue Jan 17, 2012 4:08 pm

To Russia with love: [5/10]

In most my evaluations I've mentioned length as a factor. Post length and overall thread length do play a part. The size of this thread is on par with something DM would pump out, or perhaps Mr Kuro. Great size, but the content is was lacking. You're a student accessing the gate to visit the human world. Being a spirit you should be invisible to humans. Which would be ideal for an infiltration mission. If you're in a gigai I guess that's the reason they can see you. That point aside then you start killing humans. A shinigami killing off the humans you're supposed to protect. Well killing is putting it nicely, you pretty much mow them down. Just wave of fodder enemies to lay waste to, a stab through the heart, cutting off a head, a barrage of spells, after first few the rest are blurred. Really easy fights. Still why are they all using swords? Russian using katanas and then they fight a large hollow?

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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Tue Jan 17, 2012 4:12 pm

I see your point... This was late at night and my brain was scattered... it was meant to unlock more information about his past, and the whole reason why he killed them was because of what they did to his father, i still have not discussed how his mother and father were killed, because im thinking of making a very sick and twisted way of how they were killed, which will be the reason the Ezrachek is how he is, but i see your point on the lack of quality. I suppose i need to work on getting better quality by next week. Thank you anyways
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sun Jan 22, 2012 1:48 am

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Kuro

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Number of posts : 1093
Age : 28
Where the hell am i? : where indeed :/........
job/ intrests : Plant worker/writing
quote : Ah ah ah, can't touch me
Registration date : 2009-06-20

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:41 am

6/10 points

I already gave reasons in c-box earlier. Keep up the good posting.
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sat Jan 28, 2012 12:31 am

Thread to be Evaluated: Ezrachek's Nightmare
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Arawn

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Number of posts : 3440
Age : 36
Where the hell am i? : Here, but there
job/ intrests : Anything, but not everything
quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration date : 2010-06-23

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Mon Jan 30, 2012 12:39 am

Ezra's Nightmare: [5/10]

I wanted to give this a 7, but several things prevented it's elevated score. Size; no problem what so ever. It's huge and that's some of the problem, you could have broken up the paragraphs mores (feels ironic for me to say this, as I have the same problem >.<) But for all the length I think this could have been much shorter. The title mentions a nightmare and the story begins with a journey into a dream-scape. The fight although entertaining was chaotic in direction. The man kicked the sword away, and Ezra threw his sword away? The man stabbed him Ezra with a dagger, but had a sword. Other than the family death nothing really horrific as you pretty much cut the bad guy into kibbles and bits. What part did the shinigami have to play in all of that exactly? After that you wake up and head to class. It was at this point the thread could have ended.

The introduction of the brother while a riveting story point came out flat. Ezra caught the first name, but not his last. They have the same name and no one points it out seems funny. But that's not the strange thing; you call him a she multiple times. One of those times is the dream and then you correct yourself, but then call him female again. Much like the dream the fighting direction is hard to follow abit, but works. The fight's climax was ripped out of Samurai Deeper Kyo. I've read it too, and I used the same principle to win a fight. Then the brother reveals that Ezra did in fact kill the family. Those facts helps to tie the whole meeting to the first post. Okay thread over.......nope.

Alright this is just pure masterbation; you come back to the academy and show off to the students. Nothing at all to add to the previous two other than the mention of your brother. You fight, you lose. Energy fade blocking your reiatsu is hardly wise during a duel unless there's alot of cover or places to hide.

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The Mad King


Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

Spoiler:
 
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Mon Jan 30, 2012 12:45 am

Haha ok, not much i can say in response other than the she parts were typos... Thought I revised it, just takes a fresh set of eyes to see everything though ya know?
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Mon Feb 20, 2012 12:58 am

Thread to be evaluated: White Lotus
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Arawn

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Number of posts : 3440
Age : 36
Where the hell am i? : Here, but there
job/ intrests : Anything, but not everything
quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration date : 2010-06-23

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:01 pm

The white lotus: [3/10]

I know it's in the title, but I think you'd not want white lotus flowers floating about all the time. Not a very good idea for a stealth orientated squad. Perhaps only when a rise of reiatsu? In any case very mixed up fight here. You actually come off as the bad guy even with Taka deserting 13 squad. Stranger yet your declaration to stop him is quickly followed with an offer to assist should he defeat you. Mixed message. Thankfully Kuro came to your aid, I don't think you'd have lasted much longer against the rogue otherwise. Razz

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The Mad King


Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

Spoiler:
 
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Fri Mar 02, 2012 9:29 am

Thread to be Evaluated: Meeting the Captain

Mission Request
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Arawn

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Male
Number of posts : 3440
Age : 36
Where the hell am i? : Here, but there
job/ intrests : Anything, but not everything
quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration date : 2010-06-23

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sat Mar 03, 2012 10:00 pm

Meeting the captain: [3/10]

Nothing bad, and nothing good. For the most part just an eager person joining the 2nd squad. Although I wouldn't brag about being beaten by me, I'm a nobody. With the colored text you dialogue looked long. I say to break up speeches and chatting when you can.

Mission request: [0/10]

Two posts and simple ones at that. You asked for a mission you got one. Shame could have drawn it out more.

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The Mad King


Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

Spoiler:
 
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sun Mar 11, 2012 10:27 pm

Thread(s) To be Evaluated:

Going on Patrol



Transmission
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Arawn

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Male
Number of posts : 3440
Age : 36
Where the hell am i? : Here, but there
job/ intrests : Anything, but not everything
quote : You were close, but I was right
Registration date : 2010-06-23

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Mon Mar 12, 2012 12:57 am

Going on patrol: [6/10]

Long threads are a good thing. For one thing gives us more to look at and easier evaluate. More post also means more room for mistakes. So it's give and take similar to this thread. For the most part you managed a great mission with Kuro. One thing you posted as your alt. Abit odd, but I guess it's an honest mistake if you're constantly flipping through characters. Still you should pay attention to that. Other than that my other gripe would be the way you recovered from the confrontation with rogue shinigami.
Quote :

He blacked out at the peak of his jump, falling helplessly to the ground. Sounds of his bones cracking echoed from his body as he smacked hard into the street. He was out for the rest of the battle.

The way you gave your all just to distract him was cheapened by your getting up with just a headache.


_________________
The Mad King


Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

Spoiler:
 
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:28 pm

True on the quote... Thanx for the eval
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:36 pm

Might i request someone evaluate transmission?
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Junko

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Registration date : 2010-10-30

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Sun May 06, 2012 1:49 pm

Transmission 5/10
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Tue May 22, 2012 1:32 pm

much thanks Junko
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Ezrachek Rayone

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Male
Number of posts : 485
Age : 23
Where the hell am i? : Spotsylvania, Virginia
job/ intrests : Partner at Machinima
quote : Show her that you're not that shy! (Fancy Footwork - Chromeo)
Registration date : 2012-01-13

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Fri Jul 13, 2012 3:04 pm

Been a while since I have been on this thread haha

Thread to be evaluated:Omnikutsido (Kuro)
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Shakaku

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Number of posts : 179
Age : 24
job/ intrests : Psychiatry
quote : It tastes like Jesus shit on a plate.
Registration date : 2011-12-19

PostSubject: Re: Ezrachek RankUp   Fri Jul 13, 2012 4:03 pm

Omnikutsido 6/10 Pts

Good storyline. A few grammar errors but nothing too much. Try adding more detail into you're posts to further be able to visualize what's going on. Very nice.
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